Slowly, I remember how it feels like to be dependent. Simultaneously, I can't seem to let go of independence. Not that I'm complaining, so let's just say, It's a feeling I haven't had time to visit for such a long time. It's always been that I anchor happiness at my own will, so trust me when I say - I never knew I can depend on an external factor that can make me estatic ! No, substances not included. It's in times apart when I realize these things that enhance my life & I secretly itch for more. But just how much can one give, & just to what extent can one receive ? Same goes for me, Just how much more can I sustain my independence, & to what extent can I allow myself to be dependent ? In Laymen terms, Just how much longer can you stand to hold your fart, & to what extent will you embrace being embarrassed when you admit it was your gas ?
But I can't help but keep gripping on to outlasting. Because I like making it last for as long as possible.
Freaky dreams aside, I know for sure how much I love my space. I love my space more than any pornstar can love her sex. So rest assured, I draw that line & damn right I don't even edge on it.
I'll buy myself a new bag if I get to my next birthday in this state. Or even.. book a whole loft at Hangout Hotel. Or just have you all to myself :D I'm all worn out & broke from a damn week's worth of ass-expansion at work. Imma take it slow with next week. Imma take it slow with you. Imma take you out with what little time I have. ♥
