[Till this heart caves in] Dead beat, but I brought it upon myself. Idk what is it that makes me burn my hours cooped up in a cramped bar+kitchen & yet I've learnt to make proper use of my time when school's out. Another week to burn. I've lost interest in fast food & chocolatey things. Some polite souls would say I'm mature but I beg to differ. A few others would claim I'm sensible/practical but maybe I'm just too selfish for my own good.
I am still amazed at this lasting commitment that I didn't even think of having. One fucking year, schiznits ! & I'm still standing, still surving. I learn not to underestimate last resorts. In one damn year, I found myself a coughgirlfriend. Fucking self-owned.
I thank them awesome stars for forcing me to look up, to make me realize that most things stay the same in their own ways even behind these ever-changing days. I thank them again for making me realize that a day has passed & I lived through it.
I walked away again this time, from something really close to being real. I couldn't stand to stay for more than 2 cigarettes to burn. A token for keepsake. A memory to, hopefully, keep.
Some of us have choices, some of us don't. Still, every soul embraces it - emotionally, mentally, physically, positively, negatively. In most cases I try really hard not to choose but that's inevitable, innit? At this point in my life, my basic need is to have someone or my parents or a handful of heads or anything equivalent to watch me from afar. Watch me stumble & fall, watch me climb the ladder & succeed. I'd call out for help if I'm really dead desperate or when I can't hold out any longer on my own. I know one soul has chosen to claim her spot & I'm dead thankful to you for that. Thank you, also, for loving me enough for the way I function & for accepting the way I function. Even though you don't say it, I feel as though I've neglected you in some ways. I swear, I really am sorry. I still am grateful you give me my space. I love you back, really, in all the ways no dictionary can define. :D Hopefully between the time you're done with As & before you ship into U, I'd be done with SIP & bump into you in LA/Japan. I'd most definitely put aside time for you after this week's done. I miss you so very much!
Well, on the surface, I had time to pop 2 birthday surprises this week, in one day. Who knew I had the time to think up of such things, even given my full shifts that drain my energy out? Sad we didn't have pictures though! I'm sorry you both had to wait this long for something from me, though. I miss hanging with both these October babies [Chigga+Skinneh].
Work has eaten up my life that I miss my friends & my mom so so much. Work has eaten up my life that I know what are the things that are running out & I have to pick them up from my training ground before clocking in later.
