[But if I don't leave now, when will I?] Shutting out hasn't so much been easy. Resisting contact isn't a cinch either. Yet I'm still living despite leaving my comfort zone. While everyone else gradually ends up alone, I chose to degrade into my own space. I may come across as selfish for choosing to be distant but I'm not ignorant.
The way I see it, it isn't the fact that I'm disappearing from this social scene. But it's a benchmark, really, in case I really do leave some day. Would you remember me for who I am or for the things I did? Would you hate me for being distant or for leaving? Would you remember my name or my shame?
I know how easily bored I can get & I don't want to get bored of you people. I know how much hurt I can cause & I'd love to love a little more than usual. I've known for a long time now, that letting go is the hardest living thing to do, let alone shutting out. Where I stand, love & care are tradeoffs. Care a little less, love a little more.
& above everything, I take this chance to walk alone & paint my scenes.
Just one more thing before I end this: Did I really leave at the wrong time?
& if I don't see you tomorrow, don't blame me. I'm not the enemy. Still, I miss you every day. I'll come home one of these days.
