[The kinda love that I haven't realize until I had;] So I turned 17 last Saturday.
I think the party was a semi-flop simply cos most of the things I planned on doing didn't materialize. A birthday doesn't come by so often so I'm slightly bitter about the unfulfilled plans.
Anyway, it's a been a dead long time since I actually celebrated my birthday & when I officially did, hosting a party & the whole gig last Saturday at ECP, I felt sorta refreshed. It's like I'm a kid all over again & it isn't a nuisance. It's the sort of feeling that makes me go "Wow, I actually mean quite a deal to these people & they make the effort to celebrate me." I felt pretty important yet quite weird that the day was about me.I owe it to all of you, those who came, those who helped out & even those who had the courtesy to text me wishes. There were kids who took time off their textbooks & paperwork just to witness me turn 17. Like Sha - She sacrificed jrock orgasms to come & see me. Like Sheeka - she missed going out with her family & ended up barbecueing most of the time for me. Like Iz - she's sick, semi-feverish, who went to borrow Azmee's car to travel to the east to see me & abovethatshetookphinadvance. Like Hui Ting - she stuck with me right from the preps all the way till the morning until she couldn't stand to stay awake no more. I am deadly honoured, srsly. God's being undeniably great to me, granting me with people I appreciate & vice versa despite the fact I've sinned one too many times. I could go on a "Thank You" chant-marathon my whole life & yet it still wouldn't be enough.
Truth be told, I did think of taking the whole party off the hook & not even go on with it many times in the weeks & days nearing the 19th. I just had so much emptiness building up inside of me. I was at a point where I can't distinguish what I want, what I need, what I'm chasing after, what I'm letting go of & what truly matters. But I kept going on & the party did materialize in the end.
I was never one who's RAHRAH about birthdays nor do I look forward to it & entirely embrace it. I didn't think it was a big deal turning another year older but apparently it is. The whole birthday party gig was initially just an excuse to have all the people I haven't seen or hang out with in a long time to just come to a common place & finally meet after eons. & yes, that materialized as well.
That very day I wanted so badly to cry but idrk why. That's prolly why I'm dead glad most of you people came! See, it's my nature to not break down in front of people. & it turned out great. Too bad the dancefloor didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. I hope you guys had as much of a great time as I did. I hope the food was alright. I hope the (free)drinks were good enough :D THANK YOU ALL WHO CAME: Sha HuiTing Zhuliana Zameer Aqilah Sheeka Abung Mans Ros Afro Clement Zuhdi Salmah Murtaza Sophian Samantha Zai Uzair Razzak Razi Anand Renu Ersian Iz Mimi Zoo Zue Shah Din Syafiq Kela Alep Hadi Aunts Uncles Cuzzies Mommy Sibs
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR GREAT PRESENTS ! I had a hard time lugging them back home cos there were many of them. I am still :O-ed at what Iz Mimi Zoo Zue got me. Cannot carry siol!
So to wrap this up, Imma make 17 toasts to mark this day.
01 A toast to Mommy Maria for being there for since the day I existed in your womb till now & prolly till the day I die. Idk what I'd be and wouldn't be without you. You are my life & I dare say I do live for you.
02 A toast to everyone who remembered & embraced my day with me, letting me know that I matter :D 03 A toast to Sha for being my other mind & for opening up a whole new world of music to me back in the day & saving me from being devoured by the mainstream waves. Also, thank you for choosing to make the effort & find time to spend with me & letting what we've had all these years last for more years coming in. You coming out of your study zone that night meant a great deal to me cos I miss you so damn much, I still do. I'm still contented we got to talk whilst walking you to get a cab.[<3]>
04 A toast to Hui Ting for being strong, way stronger than you know you are, going through all the bullshit due to something broken & shaken to its core that you don't know what it is anymore. Also, busting the faces of diseases that keep trying to bring you down or away from me. & for the accidental, unintended meet out of randomness that seems to keep us lasting. (K)
05 A toast to Shah whom I can relate so much to at a time like this. This one's for us, whose ability to commit & sense of belonging in a monogomous relationship are no longer valid. We'll find our ways back into the loveydovey community again so play the field while you can!
06 A toast to Ersian for being the most insecure person amongst my close friends. Thank you for showing me that it's okay to be insecure & come out of your shell. Fuck those people who judge you by your size or the way you bitch. You keep keeping it real & tell them to eat their tits out!
07 A toast to the name Temasek. I am dead sick of the name but come to think of it, it's thanks to that name that I found these people who're worth the keeping. From primary all through secondary & hopefully in poly too.
08 A toast to Sheeka whose been doing all the giving but getting almost nothing in return in terms of r/s. You've got a hell lot of good in you that you can offer but you gotta start getting weary of who's worthy of you & who's not. If they can't handle you, leave the scene. You're made for way better than that.
09 A toast to those who struggle to keep their love flame going, to Mami Noraini & Zoo. Mami, you've done a great deal to keep your family going & you'd prolly wouldn't stop because your kids are all you've got for hope right now. They'll turn out well & you'll definitely be swell. Zoo, I admire the fact that you're taking a risk but you gotta watch your back. It isn't worth the hurt you'll feel when she realizes to let you off the hook.
10 A toast to Farihin for coming to your senses & still secretly chasing the girl you want. You may be a r/s-noob but at least you know who you want & you're sticking to it until you're truly defeated/rejected. She's cute. Don't lose the grip, keep trying to make it obvious!
11 A toast to the people I met at work, Coffee Club OFC, for letting me enter into a whole new environment & learning about people on/off duty & their working habits/styles. Not forgetting making my last almost-4-month stay there a memorable one. An experience I can carry through & to my working adult life. Thank you for acknowledging me for my services & letting me know that I've left an impression there, both to the management & the service team. Thank you for letting me fuck up orders & mess up the bar when I'm on duty. :D
12 A toast to the long-term G-on-G couples: Abung+Mans & Iz+Mimi. Thank you for convincing me that monogamy can spare you the extra miles in a relationship. Thank you for making me realize that the power of same-sex r/s can overcome the shit thrown at you by the society, the people you used to know, the people you thought you knew & even your own family. It's safe to say that commitment plays a huge role to keep you guys going & it takes a lot to keep to your own convictions. I am utterly floored by both couples. You guys give me enough hope that such relationships are achievable & that two people can still keep it strong & real & make each other happy after a long time without getting sick of one another.
13 A toast to SHANE BABY for being the sexiest andro in my eyes. I'd still love you if you grew old and have to hold onto a walking stick in one hand while fucking with the other! Srsly. If only you weren't such a heartbreaker, you'd have a happy ending right now with the most perfect girl. I'm praying you would in the next season!
14 A toast to the places which have served as "homes" to me in the 4-year course of my secondary school life. Bedok library, IKEA, Parkway Parade (including tuitions), Bedok Interchange's McDonald's, HMV@Heeren, Zara Kids Section@Wheelock, Bus 229 & 222, City Hall & both Peninsula malls.
15 A toast to those hearts I've broken, intentionally & otherwise. I'm sorry you had to meet me only to have to haul yourself home with a bruised heart/ego. We weren't good for each other & I believe when you look back now you'd go "Thank God nothing ever went serious with that Psycho Bitch". & yes, I'm glad for you.
16 A toast to everyone I've met in the course of my 17 years of existence. God bless you you're still alive after having to put up with my nonsense! Srsly though, you'd do goddamn well in life. If you can handle me, you can handle ANY-fucking-ONE!
17 A toast to a better year, hopefully filled with more memorable moments than last year's & a goddamn smooth-sailing first year in Poly. To another year of widening my network of friends & letting the current ones last & maybe reconnecting with them I've lost contact with. For a year worth living through & preferably minimizing the frequency of broken hearts (my own & those around me).
