Sunday, February 17
[You're the reason why I'm thinking]
"i'm saying it from outside a glassbox. and i'm peering into something. i don't feel it. i'm just lookin and saying it, i don't feel anything"
I do admit, sometimes I feel that way. Some might think I am that glassbox because there are times when I just decide to shut down & become less active because I don't want people to get through to me. I tend to stray away & start being inactive in social events/meets. Other than having a curfew, I haven't got anything else forbidding me to do anything so most of it comes from me. I don't have a valid reason that anyone could possibly understand. You don't need to, anyway.
I don't think it's a matter of fighting for space cos truth be told, I've got enough breaks from everyone. We don't see much of each other, too. The down side is that I may give off the wrong signal & no one would pick up my radar. My actions or the things I say may put you off but know that you're not at fault that I'm checking out. Because when I don't feel a thing, it's best to check out than shoot my thoughts off in some weirdo psycho language & have everyone in fits of giggles & questions.
Anyway, I'm still fascinated how Sha & I share the same book, reading on the same page, getting all cozy in the same couch except in reality we're 4 MRT stations or 50+ bus stops apart. It's amazing how we talk things out like we do, weighing every possibility, staying on the outside & slowly unravelling the insides. Truths might not hurt but they definitely ring in your head/ear for sometime. She makes me feel like I'm not the only one on the receiving end of things & situations. Sure I'd willingly keep that spot but it wears me out. We're contradicting but we make enough sense. I miss her. I miss us. I miss feeling as though we can rock this world together, you know? But I guess I can still say this for the both of us. Despite the distance, the irregular meets, the random texts, it's amazing how we've gone this far, seeing how we're not only based on music as when we first started out. We don't know what kind of friendship this is, so we're whatever. We'll let God, Heavens & all things wonderful lead us to whereever. I have this weird but great feeling that this will last longer than either of us would expect. It does lift my spirit up. She does fo sho. Idk if I'd ask for anything more right now. (:
& I finally got round to meeting HT on Friday, utterly unannounced. It turned out well :D We have our issues to deal with but it'll ebb with time, yeah? We'll make effort to avoid & slowly be rid of these almost-worthless things we've been stupidly holding onto for this long. We don't need a U-haul, not even a promise ring. Time to coughplay the field, Tingting! :D
