I've yet to come to terms with these ringing, aching, annoying feelings. It's fucking killing me that I don't know if I can hold back tears I hate to cry any longer. Why is it that my world gets dragged into a whirlwind whenever I'm closing into February? Shit's been shoved into my face at a time like this for 3 years running. I try so hard to make things right because I want to see people happy. & when they are, I'm happy too. Yeah I sound cliched but it's the truth. Stop telling me things I obviously already know cos it annoys the fuck outta me when you set that mouth on repeat. Everyone's fucking looking for depth & want to keep things real. They already know what phonies they are, that's why. Say I have coffee with you one of these days, will you be all rambleramble welcome to my life yo & make it known to everyone listening that it's all about you, like you always do? & when I tell you truly what I feel or think, will you laugh it off & think I did some coke or ice before I met you?
Hi, why can't it be about me for a change!
& yeah, I do still miss my Mom & you think it's motherfucking hilarious & I'm being such a baby. But what do you know? Having to live in this brickshit house, having two other kid siblings who've taken the parents' full attention & I'm only left with an almost dead Loco, the cell, books, curfews & choices made for me. It hurts most thinking about the results coming out this Thursday. Cos for one, idk htf it'll turn out & if I do screw it, my Mom probably wouldn't forget the day she turns 48. Yes, mofos, result's out on my Mom's birthday. HTF AM I SUPPOSE TO ANSWER TO HER.
I hate how I'm falling apart like this & I don't know who to turn to. It's not that I don't trust anyone but it's the fact that I don't know how to put my expressions into proper literate & legible words for even a 3-year-old to understand. You've to probably be God to know what's going on inside of me.
All I really wanna do is cry & fade out but what the fuck will I get? It's not worth any tear drop.
