[Feels like I'm running but I go nowhere] This makes the 200th post. It's like it all makes sense now. It's as though I've fallen into a chain of endings and further endings.
Prelims have ended but I'm not feeling RAH-RAH about it. I'm pretty much all yeah, wuhevar. I wouldn't score any As, meaning no advanced slot for JC. Hmm, maybe I was meant to follow up designing in Poly & end up a renowned designer? Haha. Then comes the end of substituting food with shmokes because the fasting month's settled in. I can't fucking shmoke first thing when I break fast, can I? But really, like Shaik said, this is probably a great outlet to shut out some nicotine.(Okaye, maybe last Friday doesn't count) & well, start being good. Like srsly. Another end is to sleeping in in the mornings since school starts as per normal next week & I'd have to wake up early for sahur. Sometimes I don't bother but I should, just to be on God's good side.
Last but not the least, comes the end of a life. A life that belonged to someone I was not really close to but she still matters. Even after 56 hours since she came home into God's arms. She's my grandmother's sister. Truthfully, I've treated her more like a grandmother than my own grandmother even if the times were ever so rarely. She cared far too much about the family than herself & sometimes even at the expense of her health and physical condition. She can't walk so well anymore but she'd be there when we come a-calling. She hasn't any form of income yet she doesn't think twice to pitch in at any time. I'm not bitter that she's gone. I'm more happy for her. Her husband's been gone for a couple of years & I guess it's time they reunite in someplace else where they're guaranteed peacefulness & happiness. It's her due & God loves her more than all the love we can offer her. She's found the light back home. Just when will we, when will I? It's okay that she left so quick, she lived to 77. She didn't die alone. She died in peace. She died of old age. Even when I came in 3 hours too late, I still felt her presence. & as I said my last goodbye to her, dedicated one last prayer to & for her, my heart didn't race & neither did my eyes start to well up. Only because I know she'd gone to someplace better, someplace she is well taken care of. As my lips left her cold forehead for one last kiss, my heart's filled with fuzziness. As if I know that she knows everyone & everything is gonna be okay. She left on a Friday, she got to see the light of Ramadhan. She died dressed in bliss.
& then in times like this that you realise one thing that you find difficult to accept even as you live and breathe right now. The fact that your parents are closer to death by the day. The fact that another day gone is another wasted not optimizing every opportunity being with them. The fact that you have to, one day, come home & know that your parents are not at home, not anywhere within reach.
That same Friday, Zameer Ersian Zai & me hung out right outside Kembangan MRT after break fast. We were laughing shitless over anything & everything. Idk, I figured it was okay since we had our share of downs earlier in the week. But what goes around comes around and goes around again. BAM! The death hit the signals, sent me a vibration & I felt myself die inside for a while before heading over to the wake.
Saturday night was spent clubbing over the phone with a heavily pregnant Lia. She hit me with the best heehohs shizzles ever that I think I might download them. When your baby's all grown up, I'm teaching him/her how to mosh :D Instill some of his/her dad's qualities of a rockstar. Who knows, if we're lucky, it'll be inborn :D That phonecall lasted till like 2 or later but I didn't care. Neither did she. That mom is losing her mind, hahaha. But I got too tired, I woke up only at 11am today. Sorry Zhuliana for going awol on you (:
