My posts get weirder each time & crying's like a daily routine for me now. I'll just watch something, or see some kids playing, or even listen to some song & start bawling as if Brian just died two minutes ago. It sucks even more when my sister has to catch me wet in the face, then tell my Mom. And I thought I was beginning to like her, wtf. I have a billion things racing through my mind & I'm forever chasing them out but never able to. Sometimes I really don't understand why I'm thinking way out of the way. Whatever's gone & passed, all the way to first day of school at TMS, it just keeps repeating like a film on repeat mode, only without sound. I'll start crying all over again. I've begun to realise through all these that I've been telling others to listen to themselves & their hearts but have I, the teller herself, done that? The answer's obvious & concrete. All I did was telling them not me. Fuck it. I'm always telling others to hold on & be the best they can ever be & be strong and everything. But at the end of the day, I'm the one who's the opposite of whatever I said. My friends cry because of reasonable reasons, but do I? I hold that 'Nothing's gonna bring me down' face & it pisses me off now that I did a lot of it in the past. It pisses me off even more when I stop myself from dropping any tear in school then dashing back home to bawl just so no one sees. I'm always this Shithead trying to be bold & tough-headed/heart. What the fuck was I thinking? It's as if I'm running away from myself.
