Thursday, July 7
what was it? a big fucking mistake.there's that big gap between us and well trust me,it isn't killing me.HEH to hell with sweet talks and sappy love songs.
so anyway,training wasn't a mistake though we dreaded Vivian's screams.my only obstacle was the fucking pain in my ribs.it's piercing painful especially when i push too hard against it.i didn't go to the doctor's cos it's pretty okay,for now.zhuliana and i almost got hit by the neon green bus.it was at most an inch from our faces and we laughed like bloody monkeys at each other's shocked face.haha and when we finally settled down i kept doing the scene again and again for selfpleasure.and laugh at myself all the same.
backpace,ten months ago.i kept thinking of wrist slitting and other forms of suicides.why? because everything was all over the place,friends,school,parents,life.i wasn't a happy kid.i'd gorge and gorge and gorge kgs of swenson's and be really really broke.and alot of tm trips.i laugh and laugh and everyday i'd come home to realise that i was still as empty as when the day started.i'd wake up cursing at everything getting in my way and put up pictures of schoolpeople who got me really annoyed on my dartboard and never missing a shot.i hated a lot.even after my first pay,i wasn't celebrating and i gave it to my mom,without taking a single cent.
today,still as razor-collector as i am,suicides are non-existant.i try to live up my days staring and drooling at Brian or Michael or John or Teppei and pirate a lot.haha and bits of jamming helps.i only use Cheebye to curse now and not as many middlefingers.i keep to myself as much as possible and keep myself happy.i'm just glad i didn't attempt a second slit wrist back then or i wouldn't be here today.
