Saturday, March 20
[Placebo, for one more time !]
[Placebo, for one more time !]
18 March 2010.
Fort Canning.
Placebo, Live in Singapore.
& even though I'm bitter about not getting up close to Brian & the boys, I should be contented. Thank my lucky stars that I even got to see them again - LIVE.
IN SINGAPORE.
When they played Follow the Cops Back Home, there was something in me that wanted to cry. Not of sadness. But of content, realization & free-will acceptance.
I once again understood why I created the link to this blog. Why I'd name it as such & why I had the initial skin on before this one. (I've only changed skin on this blog thrice)
I once again understood why I created the link to this blog. Why I'd name it as such & why I had the initial skin on before this one. (I've only changed skin on this blog thrice)
& then I understood again why I'd been so stoked for both their shows that I've gone for. Both saw me struggling with finances & pulling stints just to get enough cash to buy tickets. & I fought hard, I did anything I could to just to to their show. For what it's worth.
As I'm typing this, I'm beginning to realize how this blog has revolved around Placebo & Brian Molko for most parts - be it out loud in block letters or slipped into some paragraphs.
I'm also realizing how my life has revolved a lot around the likes of Placebo's sounds/influences since the day I heard their Teenage Angst song, & then later re-introduced to the band by Sha, through yet another mind-blowing video/song The Bitter End.
I have a lot to thank Placebo for.
It's their sounds that intrigued me first, married forever to Brian's brutally honest ingenious lyrics, baptized in visuals that evoke revolutionary complexity.
Placebo has imparted on me, that nothing in this world is normal, that nothing in this world is a taboo. They have given me that understanding of acceptance for how people & things are the way they are. Placebo has taught me to understand how feelings aren't boxed & printed, but instead exist for self-exploration, to delve deeper into knowing who I am, how far I've come, set my personal limits way up high, that nothing can touch me unless it truly means a great deal to me. They have also taught me how I've to live for myself & how darkness isn't a curse but in actual fact another platform for discovery. & even if the world ends tomorrow, there'll always be another day to call tomorrow cos truth of the matter is, life goes on & not even God can change that because he made it like that. Life is fluid, akin to sexuality, how Brian has portrayed himself & has truly been.
Above all, Placebo has become my emergency call for help & almost everything else in life.
Their songs & lyrics are invented as such, that you could go through it over & over again, & yet you'll get discover a brand new interpretation every single time. This. Has made me become the person that I know today.
Let's face it, every time you see a person, esp one that you thought you knew, you'll always learn a brand new perspective or interpretation of her - every single time.
& last but not least, Placebo has drilled into me that relationships either last or lust, that you can never have both in a single relationship. & it's not your job to create them, they just happen & they settle into you either way they want to.
With Placebo/Brian Molko, I've come to terms with who I am, become minimally ashamed, stay humble with recognition, love myself more than anyone else can despite the destruction that I am & to make things last for what it's worth to/for me, sticking to my beliefs, my values & desires.
This blog has seen me through a personal journey with guided souls & sounds that lead to personal growth in me.
For stuckon-rewind, this isn't me abandoning you, but a platform to always remind me of who I was & how it's made me.
rewind and click playback.
Friday, February 19
[Aren't you a little too late ?]
[Aren't you a little too late ?]
I've long been gone from here if you haven't realized.
myfest.xanga.com
rewind and click playback.
Wednesday, November 4
[I still love Brian Molko like I did]
Hey, if Placebo can let go of their dark sounds for bouncing elektronik influences on their current album, so can I.
It only goes to show that my Husband has given me the green light to move on & move along with him.
Hey, if Placebo can let go of their dark sounds for bouncing elektronik influences on their current album, so can I.
It only goes to show that my Husband has given me the green light to move on & move along with him.
In Layman terms, my time's done here.
Find me, if I mean that much to you.
Find me, if I mean that much to you.
Mi cenicero, mi cenicero
♥
rewind and click playback.
Sunday, November 1
[Just wtf do you want from me]
I'm never good enough. I'm always overcompensating.
So fucking tell me why the fuck do you still care ?
& you know what's sad ? The fact that I used to love you like that.
I'm fucking mad but I just can't be fucked to act on it.
I'm genuinely sorry though, to Sha Gaze, Skinneh & Chigga. You guys didn't deserve me just raiding your inbox like that - without warning or explanation. Love you three ♥
Without further ado, allow me to be the asswipe that I am.
[Just wtf do you want from me]
I'm never good enough. I'm always overcompensating.
So fucking tell me why the fuck do you still care ?
& you know what's sad ? The fact that I used to love you like that.
I'm fucking mad but I just can't be fucked to act on it.
I'm genuinely sorry though, to Sha Gaze, Skinneh & Chigga. You guys didn't deserve me just raiding your inbox like that - without warning or explanation. Love you three ♥
Without further ado, allow me to be the asswipe that I am.
rewind and click playback.
Wednesday, October 28
[Why'd you bother to beg ?]
In all srzness, fuck you.
Sometimes I really fucking wish I was fucking stupid.
Just so you would shut up & leave me be.
I slipped. So fucking what. One time. I slipped one fucking time.
Why is it that I have to think of walking in your shoes ?
What about my fucking shoes ?
I didn't invest in limited edition footwear for no fucking reason.
In all fucking srzness, fuck you.
[Why'd you bother to beg ?]
In all srzness, fuck you.
Sometimes I really fucking wish I was fucking stupid.
Just so you would shut up & leave me be.
I slipped. So fucking what. One time. I slipped one fucking time.
Why is it that I have to think of walking in your shoes ?
What about my fucking shoes ?
I didn't invest in limited edition footwear for no fucking reason.
In all fucking srzness, fuck you.
rewind and click playback.
Sunday, October 25
[You got me on all fours; Grrl, on my paws]
Believe it or not, I own a pair of flip flops, 2 eyeliner pencils, 3 pair of leggings, 4 pairs of heels.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FEEL 14 ALL OVER AGAIN. KNN.
(Yes, I haven't owned a pair of flip flops for the past 4 (FOUR/EMPAT/SI) years. )
(Yes, I haven't owned eyeliner since OSD disbanded 4 (FOUR/EMPAT/SI) years ago. )
(& Yes that was what my amateur band was called. FOL. Hhahahahaa)
School's in about 9 hours & fuck tutorials already.
Oh heads up, 2M05 kids are dead scheming & such cowards, really.
What's so damn hard about coming up straight in my face & tell me I'm a lazy fuck who doesn't believe in physical group meetings enhancing any project progress which actually led into much more disaster & also, tell me that they're dead tired of shadowing me during presentations because I think on my feet & floor my tutors/clients.
Nao I miss Temasek Sec, cos everyone got all honest & in-your-face. Yeah, I like drama, so what ? You call it childish. I say it's down right Real.
No, I'm not pulling a die-hard habit of my (ex) husband & neither do I really give a fuck about how my actions will determine everyone else's grades. I so fucking look forward to the end of this semester when I can gloat as hell to my previous groupmates. :D
You can call it new-found strength & confidence. Ever since I got reinstated. Fuck, Nicholas's Learning Agreement had 8 pledges while I went all ambitious with 18. FML. Hahahaha.
Anyway, it's Sunday. I met Chris & Skinneh earlier in the day. Then I went for a ride before heading home to pick up my invoice to pick up my Xperia X1 Baby ! ♥
I gotta feeling..
that today's not gonna be the only time. (;
[You got me on all fours; Grrl, on my paws]
Believe it or not, I own a pair of flip flops, 2 eyeliner pencils, 3 pair of leggings, 4 pairs of heels.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FEEL 14 ALL OVER AGAIN. KNN.
(Yes, I haven't owned a pair of flip flops for the past 4 (FOUR/EMPAT/SI) years. )
(Yes, I haven't owned eyeliner since OSD disbanded 4 (FOUR/EMPAT/SI) years ago. )
(& Yes that was what my amateur band was called. FOL. Hhahahahaa)
School's in about 9 hours & fuck tutorials already.
Oh heads up, 2M05 kids are dead scheming & such cowards, really.
What's so damn hard about coming up straight in my face & tell me I'm a lazy fuck who doesn't believe in physical group meetings enhancing any project progress which actually led into much more disaster & also, tell me that they're dead tired of shadowing me during presentations because I think on my feet & floor my tutors/clients.
Nao I miss Temasek Sec, cos everyone got all honest & in-your-face. Yeah, I like drama, so what ? You call it childish. I say it's down right Real.
No, I'm not pulling a die-hard habit of my (ex) husband & neither do I really give a fuck about how my actions will determine everyone else's grades. I so fucking look forward to the end of this semester when I can gloat as hell to my previous groupmates. :D
You can call it new-found strength & confidence. Ever since I got reinstated. Fuck, Nicholas's Learning Agreement had 8 pledges while I went all ambitious with 18. FML. Hahahaha.
Anyway, it's Sunday. I met Chris & Skinneh earlier in the day. Then I went for a ride before heading home to pick up my invoice to pick up my Xperia X1 Baby ! ♥
I gotta feeling..
that today's not gonna be the only time. (;
rewind and click playback.
Wednesday, October 21
[Guess who's back ?]
[Guess who's back ?]
....well 3 days later than everyone else.
YES. MY APPEAL GOT THROUGH & GOT APPROVED.
FUCKING HELL, THERE IS STILL A GOD ! *cue hell gates open*
Nao, let's see if I can graduate in time without having to come back for Sem 4.1 /:
ANYWAY. THIS MEANS THAT. MY LOVE WITH FARAH IS REKINDLED ! & srsly, that Tequila date will be with effective of 1st of the following month. Pokai ah beb. 3 nights in a row krubbing I died. *insert 87834 packs of cigarettes + cab fares*
My Mom & Steven are gonna be breathing the hell down my neck naoz. But I don't care. Cos they do & cos HELL I'M BACK IN SCHOOL.
Here's a Fuck You to Jennifer Han & her stupid face & posse & all you back-stabbing assfuckers at Q square Building. I reap all the fucking commisions for the next two months, you fucks :D\
I came to school taking 67 today, meaning I took the winding lane through the reservoir & enter from the back gate. Goddamn I thought I was never gonna see that place again.
ANYWAY.
The end of October/November/December looks pretty promising. ♥ ♥ ♥
I'm going nowhere but up from here (feeling ANTM).
rewind and click playback.
Saturday, October 17
[This goes out to the two]
It ain't your fault,
You know it ain't your fault.
Quit eating yourselves up.
Beyonce's Flaws & All.
[This goes out to the two]
It ain't your fault,
You know it ain't your fault.
Quit eating yourselves up.
Beyonce's Flaws & All.
rewind and click playback.
Sunday, October 11
[They'll Play your game when they want to]
My Grrls turned 18 already !
Happy 18th Birthday, You Legal Fucks - Chigga & Skinneh.
& what are the odds - they're only 6 days apart while I'm 6 months apart from them.
Chigga was bruised before her day while Skinneh was bruised after.
& my academics got bruised in between. )':
They've come a long way in their lives just to see this day. Their own battles for survival. Their own limits pushed over lines they've never thought were drawn before. Their underaged dues finally paid for. Their strengths embossed on their sleeves like multi-session tattooing. Their weaknesses uncovered & embraced for mainly their own eyes to see, to believe, & for everyone else to awe, to admire.
Nothing can hold them back now. Don't anyone dare step on their awesome sneakers. Don't anyone even think you can read their poker faces. Don't anyone dare to want to taste what they're truly made of & made for. Because then, for the first time in your life, you'll REGRET.
& to top it all off, you mess with any of them, you mess with me.
I may not go down with a fight like they do.
But I'll tell you, I'll spit you a piece of my mind like how Eminem spits rhymes on his debut EP.
I'll degrade you to the real shit that your Mom didn't want to acknowledge that you already were.
& well, on my part, I hope I did enough to remind & tell you both how important your birthdays are this year, any year actually, & how important they were to me.
ILU2D, Chigga ♥
LobLob, Skinneh ♥
I hope the rest of October does well for me.
[They'll Play your game when they want to]
My Grrls turned 18 already !
Happy 18th Birthday, You Legal Fucks - Chigga & Skinneh.
& what are the odds - they're only 6 days apart while I'm 6 months apart from them.
Chigga was bruised before her day while Skinneh was bruised after.
& my academics got bruised in between. )':
They've come a long way in their lives just to see this day. Their own battles for survival. Their own limits pushed over lines they've never thought were drawn before. Their underaged dues finally paid for. Their strengths embossed on their sleeves like multi-session tattooing. Their weaknesses uncovered & embraced for mainly their own eyes to see, to believe, & for everyone else to awe, to admire.
Nothing can hold them back now. Don't anyone dare step on their awesome sneakers. Don't anyone even think you can read their poker faces. Don't anyone dare to want to taste what they're truly made of & made for. Because then, for the first time in your life, you'll REGRET.
& to top it all off, you mess with any of them, you mess with me.
I may not go down with a fight like they do.
But I'll tell you, I'll spit you a piece of my mind like how Eminem spits rhymes on his debut EP.
I'll degrade you to the real shit that your Mom didn't want to acknowledge that you already were.
& well, on my part, I hope I did enough to remind & tell you both how important your birthdays are this year, any year actually, & how important they were to me.
ILU2D, Chigga ♥
LobLob, Skinneh ♥
I hope the rest of October does well for me.
rewind and click playback.
